The wind whipped the
telephone poles outside of my house to the ground. I winced as I heard the snap
of the cable cords as the big wooden pole hit the ground with such a huge force
that it shook the ground under my feet. I quickly grabbed the food from the
cupboard, and sprinted to the basement, trying to get away from Hurricane
Sandy.
Quickly I reached my
parents' room where everyone in my family had been camping out during the
hurricane. Quietly I creaked open the door listening to my family laugh and
enjoy themselves for the first time since the hurricane hit. I slowly opened
the door only to find myself laughing as hard as everyone when I saw what had
happened. The baby had painted the walls with the breakfast from that morning.
Once everyone had
finished laughing my mother went upstairs to grab a towel. I walked over to the
corner and started to create dinner. I organized everything so everyone would
have an equal amount of food. When I finished the dinner I picked it up and turned
around to bring it to everyone. Then Wham! I tripped over the toys my sister
had left out right behind me.
I sat up and saw all
my family laughing so I couldn't help but laugh too. Once we all finished
laughing I picked up the food and took it to the bed and sat it down there and
said, "Eat." They all dug in
greedily but left enough for me to have a decent meal.
I ate all the food
that was left over. Slowly I trudged to the bed that we all had been sharing
and climbed in. As night fell, I slowly drifted off to sleep into a deep
slumber. Hopefully everyday will be like
today.I thought to myself right before I went to my own dreamland,
where there would be no hurricane Sandy, or nothing else that can hurt my
family. Or me.
First off, I like how you are focusing on a specific aspect of your writing -- in this instance, tense. You successfully controlled the tense here, and the interactive voice demonstrates a human understanding of the victims of the hurricane. Well done.
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